SURREAL

Surreal. That’s the word I choose as the theme of today’s blog. Because, in all honesty, there have been numerous happenings in the past few weeks that have been, for one reason or another, just that: surreal.

In the wake of so many deaths in Hollywood, being out in Los Angeles for it all has been surreal. I was at KTLA the morning Farrah Fawcett died, and the station was crazy. In preparation for what sources had predicted, we had a package prepared to air in case she did die that morning. Of course, so did every station. Not a minute after we found out, we turned on five TVs to different channels, including our own, and it was intriguing to see what each station had prepared, airing all at the same time. Let’s just say "this is a competitive industry" is no understatement. Hours later, I was on Rodeo Drive with my mom on the day before she was leaving me to go back to Chicago, and I got a text from my sister, “Michael Jackson died”. I literally thought it was a typo. As I left the station earlier that day, I knew MJ went to the hospital because he was under cardiac arrest. But death? Hours after Fawcett? That afternoon, every single person I passed by on Rodeo Drive was talking about his death. That is no exaggeration. The following true picture I’m about to paint was surreal. The shiny store windows glistened as though the world lost nothing that day, housing unrealistically priced items floating in a quaint and honestly rather unwelcoming silence. Yet outside-in reality-in the fresh air, the buzz of Jackson’s death swarmed the streets literally like bees. That’s how it was all over LA. When I say it was everywhere, I mean it was everywhere. It was surreal.

The night MJ died, his star on Hollywood Boulevard was covered because of the Bruno premier, so hundreds of people were crowded around the “fake Michael Jackson star” on Vine street, just outside my apartment building! This “fake” MJ was apparently a radio personality, but, since the pop icon’s star was covered, fans chose to mourn around this faux star for the night. I saw it from the pool balcony; it was crazy. There were candles and posters and signs and flowers. I found it surreal to witness with my own eyes how many people’s lives Michael Jackson had touched in his lifetime.

I went home for the first time since I have been out here. Unless I go home for Labor Day, I will not be home until Thanksgiving Break, so it was really nice to see my family and friends. I must say, the first thing I noticed in Illinois was the flat land. I definitely missed looking up at the mountains. But I also missed my family while I was in Cali, so I would travel to the flattest of land to be with them. My dad made a good point when he jokingly asked, “So Bianca, where exactly do you consider home? Chicago, Missouri, or LA?” His joke unintentionally invoked some serious thought, because that is a good question. I am in Missouri for the longest time out of the year, but I was born in Chicago and that is where my family is, yet I have this odd sense of belonging when I am in California. Your guess is as good as mine, for I still haven’t answered that question. I know Chicago is my "home" as far as my roots, but regarding the literal meaning of the word...a bit tricky as of late. All I do know is that, wherever I end up living, I’ll always have a home in Chicago, and I would like a house in California and also one on the Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri, because a part of me is and always will be in each of those places….not a lot to ask for right? ;) On my flight back to Cali, I had another moment when I realized-for some reason it really clicked then-one of my dreams in life was coming true this summer. Growing up, all I ever talked about was “Hollywood”. I even wrote a poem about me living here someday when I was about ten. And here I was, at the age of 20, living there. As I downed my second helping of Oreo cookie crackers, I looked out the window and thought to myself, this is surreal.

My mom is back in Chicago, and I have since been living on my own. And I must say that this, my friends, is surreal. Never before have I had to take care of myself. Never before did I not have someone who loved me and cared whether I actually lived or died within about a 5-foot radius. Think about that. That’s quite drastic, but it’s true. I once thought, if there was a fire tonight, would anyone check to see if I even woke up to escape? While I have made friends here, the answer to that question is still probably no. Now I’m not saying this to sound depressing, its just highlighting what is the foundation of my independence here in Los Angeles: I am living, authentically, on my own. From grocery shopping to laundry to cooking to cleaning to fixing a sink (yes, with some direction from my dad I did that)-I am doing it all. That may sound like normal things people do, but honestly it isn’t for me. But I swear on my life I am enjoying every minute of every chore. I have never cared so much about dropping crumbs on the floor or a fingerprint on a mirror. Mom, don’t be mad at me for saying this, but when you are the one cleaning, you keep it clean. Similarly, I have noticed I am more responsible with my money now that I earn a paycheck from Victoria’s Secret. Dad, don’t get mad at me for saying this, but when you are the one working, you watch your money. I am learning to appreciate everything more, which I know is invaluable. As though I am looking at myself over the years, I can see myself maturing with my newfound wisdom. Like I mentioned in a previous post, you never know what you are capable of until you have to rely on yourself to get it done. This has taught me that, contrary to what most people think, if the stakes are high enough, humans ARE capable of change. You just have to want it bad enough, and it must be from internal motivation, not external. Independence and self-maturation are some things I have always wanted in my life. Not that I ever doubted myself, but sometimes I wondered if I was capable of more. It sure does feel good to prove yourself wrong.

On a lighter note….before my mom left, some friends I made here took us both on our first LA club scene experience. We started at Katsuya, one of Hollywood’s nicest and most famous sushi restaurants. My friends picked us up in a party bus/limo, so when we arrived at Katsuya, the TONS of paparazzi standing outside went crazy. That, lets all say it together…was surreal. Once inside, we saw Mila Kunis (Jackie from that 70s show) and friends leaving, which fostered a lightning-like portrayal of flashes outside. After Katsuya, we went to MyHouse, one of the hottest new clubs in LA. One of the guys in our group used to do security for clubs so he knew one of the bouncers, so we got right in, no line at all. Once inside, we were escorted to our table that we were sharing with…wait for it…Chris Evans of Fantastic Four! I had always thought he was so cute, so this was definitely surreal! Long story short, my mom and I got to experience the hottest club in LA, a night we will never forget. I’m glad she was there with me.

I worked at VS this afternoon, and this evening I went to my first Piloxing class at the V Pilates Studio. Piloxing is this new craze in Hollywood created by Viveca Jenson. A combination of Pilates and boxing while wearing one-pound gloves (and wearing no shoes!), it is a favorite of stars such as Hilary Duff and Amanda Bynes. I had read about it in at least three different magazines, so I decided I had to see what the hype was all about. Boy, did I see! That was the hardest I ever worked out by far. As I looked around-between squats and crazy punches- the intensity of the instructor and the women around me was surreal. It was the most unique blend of hardcore boxing and challenging Pilates, all done to the latest hits playing so loud that you couldn’t help but be focused and motivated. Knowing the celebrity following Piloxing has definitely is impressive. The class concluded with us striking three different poses while yelling the Piloxing motto: Sleek, Sexy, Powerful. I am definitely getting the membership, because I know I want to keep taking classes. I also met Jenna Hoyd there, who was in The Missing years ago and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants as the young girl who died of cancer. I recognized her right away, seeing as I love that movie. Her mom worked at the studio and also took classes with Jenna, so they both got me all signed up and explained everything to me.

I just booked my flight, I am traveling to San Francisco this weekend to meet some relatives I didn’t even know I had there! After that, I would have visited all the places I wanted to in California. Should be a good time.

Hmm what else. I have thus far met, in addition to what I have told you already in previous blogs: David Charvet, Fran Dreshcer, Chris Evans, and Jenna Hoyd. One thing I do notice about myself is that the star struck phase is diminishing. In this business, I know you cannot be star struck, so I think it is good that I am getting this out of me now. Honestly, this may be common sense, but the more celebrities you meet, the more you realize they really are normal people. Yes, like I said, you may be thinking “Duh, B.” But, trust me- acting calm, cool, and collected-in the beginning-is easier said than done. I am getting to that point, though. You would be proud. :D

Well, I know this is only short story material, and I was really aiming for novel, but I can’t think of anything else to say. I will try and not take so long to write the next post so it is not this long again. For anyone who read all the way down and got to this point, you’re a trooper and thanks. Headed down to the pool now, have a great day. :)

XOXO B